HECTIC but HAPPY

It hasn't been boring for the last couple of months. Venting here and there has given me some strength and motivation te get off my *ss and move. If it's not one thing it's another between juggling a family, a job and taking care of all the undone and loose ends it starts to feel my head is spinning and will never stop. The truth is all that spinning has helped me get over the hurdles of being stagnant and mad about it. I have been trying to walk wherever I can cause I know moving, doing and being proactive in any area of my life starts to wander in to other areas and by golly 'i like it'. I like the effects of it. I do get tired but once I rest and get to it again the momentum keeps and stays. I haven't done anything concrete with this newfound energy and enthusiasm but I have ideas. More about that in my next post...very soon. :-)

I have come to the conclusion that I need to savor this feeling of unmotivation and live it before I could sift through what is really going on. I feel particularly unmotivated today. I am observining as you do when you are mindful. The book by Thích Nhất Hạnh called The Art of Mindfulness is where I got this idea. While he says observe everything you do including mundane activities, like grabbing something from the table. I think it could be applied to feeling empty. I feel empty and instead of judging it , it would be better to live it and see if the root of it all becomes visible to me by merely letting myself feel the emptiness whenever and wherever it may strike.

It is not easy, I tell you but I am going to attempt it. The feelings I had years ago when my life and career were unfolding nicely have disspated and now I am going to let that void guide me. I need all the help I could get and yes, spiritually, I am going to seek there and other routes like reading, writing as I do here, and talking to others.

Blunt Honesty ... Let's draw the line between sincerity and crudeness

I wrote about my daughter the other day about how she sees being a librarian uncool and my relationship with her has always been as such that we are bluntly honest with each other but...on ther other hand her honesty while it doesn't bother me reflects other comments I've heard from people who are misinformed or clueless about our profession. My daughter is very young and I will educate her. However in the last four years I have 3 people ask me what I do for a living. When l answered l am a librarian, the typical question that follows what degree do you need. l answer and tell them about my MLIS which brings on a comment like gee what do you do that requires a Masters? I smile slyly and say a lot more than you can even imagine.

These aren't comments that have made it difficult to be happy what I have chosen but it's the crudeness that people are compeled to give you their unsolicited opinion. l learned to let these roll down my back. But why do I feel no passion for something I loved 4-5 years ago? What is happening? I will explore this further. Now I am off to cut a birthday cake and celebrate. Until later :-)

UncoolMommy Librarian

For heaven's sake I feel down and out but talking to my daughter this evening confirms to me I am not only uncool but an uncool librarian. I consider the double negative grammar rule to apply here. I AM Cool...yeah right. Well I am going on personal journey to dispel the uncoolness of our profession. I guess in my quest for motivation anger may be the ticket. Defending what I chose to be and picked as a career has to be a source of pride before anything else could follow. So I am going back into time and relive all that attracted me to this profession in the first place and hope that will start my comeback and feel worthwhile in what I do every day. I need to get involved with this first before I could really appreciate where I spend my weekdays and who I am there. Good night!